Stop me if you heard this one: Naked man walks into a Walmart … oh wait, did I mention this is a true story and not a joke? No, seriously. That naked man was 32-year-old Verdon Lamont Taylor of Pennsylvania, who clearly needed to do some shopping.
Of course, it’s tough to go shopping when you don’t have any pockets for your wallet. So perhaps the 6-foot-4, 300-pound naked man resorted to shoplifting because he had no other choice. Perfectly understandable, right?
It’s what Taylor chose to steal from Walmart that’s so … perplexing.
Me, I’d expect clothing to be first priority on a naked Walmart thief’s agenda. A trench coat or a bathrobe to start with, maybe, so browsing for boxers and jeans and t-shirts wouldn’t be so awkward. I’d think socks would be last on his list of must-have items. Granted, nobody wants to have cold feet, but cold … other body parts are definitely more of a problem, right?
Not for this discount chain store bandit.
Nope, Verdon Lamont Taylor walked his bare-ass self into Walmart and went straight for the socks. Not the trench coats, not the bath robes. Taylor breezed right past those bad boys because for him, footwear is where it’s at.
Funny thing about that — the rest of the shoppers at Walmart (the ones wearing clothes, that is) were less than supportive of Taylor’s quest for socks. The police tried to explain this conflict of interest to Taylor, but when he wouldn’t listen, they really had no choice but to use a stun gun on the very large, very naked man.
Taylor has been charged with aggravated assault and indecent exposure and is currently being held in prison on $50,000 bail. But what I really want to know is, did they at least give him a pair of socks to wear while he’s in the slammer?
Why do you think a naked man would steal only SOCKS from Walmart?