The countless tissues could have remained in their box, the chocolate bars could have continued to line the store shelves and a fortune spent on under-eye cream could have been saved, if only you had known that he wasn’t going to commit. However, it’s never too late to change—no, not him—the way you pick and choose men! Watch out for these early warning signs, and, seriously, dump him before he gives you that line, “It’s not you…”
He wont introduce you to his friends
You know everything about his best friend from high school, his gym buddy and his frenemy from work. But the only reason you are able to put faces to their names is because of Facebook! “A typical commitment-phobe will hesitateto meet your friends or your folks. And he certainly won’t introduce you to his own,” says writer Priya Pathiyan, 33. If the only people in his life you’re getting to know are the milkman and the maid, then it’s time to walk out of the door, and out of his life.
He’s got a tragic personal history
Has he had a series of bad girlfriends? Did his mum not treat him right? “A man with commitment issues could have a history of painful relationships,” says sexologist Dr Rajan Bhonsle. You shouldn’t refrain from asking for commitment when you feel you deserve it, but if you think this could be the reason for his commitment phobia, handle the situation with patience and care. “Chances are, he’s already feeling guilty,” says Dr Bhonsle. A man like this needs to sort out his past first. Is he willing to do that? And can you wait till he does?
He gets to ‘we’ too soon
Remember that episode in Sex And The City, where Samantha, a big commitment-phobe herself, falls for the ‘We’ line? “So, he’s a ‘We’ guy, huh?” Carrie says sceptically, and the next thing you know, Samantha’s been stood up. If you’ve just met and the guy says, ‘We’ll go on a holiday’, ‘We’ll go shopping together’, ‘We’ll make lovely babies’- watch out!
He is very uncomfortable with ‘us’
“He prefers to keep things as ‘his’ and ‘yours’, with little or nothing which can be ‘ours’,” says Arlene Fernandes, 26, HR professional. As relationships evolve, couples invest in things together. It could be something as small as a CD or something that sort of semi-seals the relationship, like a timeshare holiday membership. “He will also make fun of couples who do such things,” says Arlene; a way to make you feel silly for expecting the same. Our advice: dump this joker.
He has trouble making decisions
“In its extreme form, commitment phobia is also a strain of obsessive compulsive disorder,” says Dr Bhonsle. “The person may break into a cold sweat, may want to leave the room and could be inaccessible after you’ve asked him for a commitment.” An early red flag for a commitment phobic of this type? Poor decision making skills. Says Dr Bhonsle “Such people will be almost incapable of taking decisions, not just in their personal lives, but all aspects, whether it’s deciding upon a job offer or a new place to live in.”