In a survey by a UK newspaper, almost 60 per cent of the 1,000 women interviewed between the ages of 20 and 29, rated their sex lives as good or excellent. Are most women genuinely satisfied two out of three times or is this statistic exaggerated? And if exaggerated, does that mean that women are easily satisfied or have lower expectations? Turns out it’s a little bit of both.
Satisfied, are you?
On the one hand, women know exactly what they want (and deserve) these days. They don’t think twice before telling their partners what turns them on. Dr Mahinder Watsa, consultant in sexual medicine, says, “Till a decade ago, women did not enjoy orgasms frequently, if at all, nor did they bring it up with their partners. But now, a change has occurred.Women are communicating with their partners. They are empowered enough to demand a good performance.” Communication Communication is the key to pleasure, in this case. For instance, foreplay, which is essential in arousing a woman, is not as important to the man, who assumes that once he is turned on, the curtain has risen. It is up to the woman to guide the man — verbally and non-verbally — till she’s satisfied and ready to get into the main act. Dia Ahuja, 27, says, “I think it’s the man who’s more responsible for a couple’s sex life because for a man, you can tell
whether or not he’s satisfied once he climaxes. But with women, you never know. ”
Too used to lying
Pune-based sex counsellor Kiran Mirchandani says, “Sometimes, women want to make their reality seem better than it is, perhaps because they’re hoping or living through fantasy or they want sex with long-term partners to be better than it is. Of course, the fact that they’re approaching a counsellor means they are admitting there is a problem, but a lot of couples struggle silently with these problems for years. The reason is a serious lack of communication from the woman’s side.”
Most of us know that we need to make an effort to spice up our sex life. So admitting to a bad sex life, we feel, reflects our own ineptitude. Says 29-year-old Sheena Singh. “I think Indian women have been conditioned to prioritise other things, and so a mindblowing sex life is a distant dream after, say, five years of marriage. But would I ever admit that to a group of friends or even to a counsellor? No.” Does this mean then that women have lower standards? Kaveri Chadda, 28, says, “According to the survey, 60 per cent say they have an excellent sex life; I would say I have a good one about 60 per cent of the time. While I wish this figure would increase, I wouldn’t consider myself good-sex deprived. But if my man didn’t have an orgasm 40 per cent of the time, he would not be too happy, so in that sense, women have lower standards.”