If you haven’t yet heard, let me apologize for being the one to break the news to you. Please, have a seat. I’ll just come right out with it.
The world’s largest insect, the giant weta, has gotten even bigger. Some brave men in New Zealand have found the biggest of the giant wetas, and they report that this huge bug weighs as much as three mice and has a colossal wingspan of seven inches. As you can imagine, it’s time to get out the white flags. Life as we know it is officially over. I think we need to bow and concede to our new insect overlords because the sooner we acknowledge their power, the sooner we can start living in peace.
Please join me in gathering your precious belongings and raiding the grocery store for non-perishables because, folks, the giant, giant weta is here. And she looks hungry. They fed this bug a carrot for Christ’s sake.
Do you know how big you have to be to eat a carrot? Me neither, but I’m assuming you cannot be small. The men who found her said that she would’ve eaten the whole thing, but they made her stop (men.) because they didn’t want to risk her getting indigestion. Because if she got indigestion, she could die. And surprisingly, that’s a bad thing. We do not want this enormous giant wetas to die, apparently. Interesting.
All the more reason to surrender. They may be an endangered species, but clearly they’re a powerful one. With just one look out of their not-so-small-yet-beady eye, they can paralyze human adults. They’ll stop us in our tracks and scare us into submission. Our instinct to grab the Raid and wield a footwear weapon will be worthless. The giant weta will not be discouraged. We are its bitch.
This bug the size of a SPARROW is going to slowly but surely conquer us all. It started in New Zealand, but mark my words, the news of the world’s largest largest insect will scare people all over the globe into submission, including myself. So welcome, giant wetas! I come to you in peace, my friend! Here! Would you like another carrot! You can have the whole thing this time! (Wink, wink.) It’s delicious! Ooh! I like your wings! Very pretty! Oh no! Do you have a bellyache?
Are you afraid of bugs? Does the giant weta freak you out?